Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
3 2 1 whiskey
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
