My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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