happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
