who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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