he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
