I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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