Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
