a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
