I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
