and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
