24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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