I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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