Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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