I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I looked at my own cervix.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
