Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
