I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
