That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Ladies don't puke and tell
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
