Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
