she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
