therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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