In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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