she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
