ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
