He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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