Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
