Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
