At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize