Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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