Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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