Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
