Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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