The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
