She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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