i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
