the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Randomize
