You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
