Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
