her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
