dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
