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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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