She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
