I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
