so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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