I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
