Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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