Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
