I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
