dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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