i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
