did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
