God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
