Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
