I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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