For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
