Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
