if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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