I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You need a sexual gate keeper
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
