If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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