you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
