Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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