OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
So many bounce houses so little time
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
