Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
