Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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