Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize