Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
