Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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