she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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