i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
