You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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