you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
