he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
