Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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