So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
