Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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