I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
is wine microwaveable?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
