the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You're a waste of cheezeits
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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