I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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