i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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